ostensibly

The word has a ring to it that piques my attention.  I have been writing blogs for several years and never had opportunity to use the word ostensible.  Now is my chance to realize another of life’s dreams.

“I ostensibly bought the two bags of candy for my partner because he loves candy.”

And since that candy was on sale at the grocery store, BOGO, (buy one, get one free) of course I had to take two bags.  One does not refuse a BOGO offer.  Who in their right mind would not take the second box of cereal, or the second package of chicken, or the second can of tuna?  Lord forbid!

Friends, I had a major slip last night.  For 3 months I have been adhering to the keto lifestyle which excludes, along with grains and refined seed oils, SUGAR.  Yes, sugar is a major faux pas with keto-genic.  AND, this old man loves his sugar snacks.  Force me to choose between the life of my best friend and a Snickers bar and I would need a minute or two to make that decision –  the Snickers bar of course.

I should know better.  I am a recovering alcoholic.  An alcoholic does not tempt his sobriety with a bottle of his favorite whiskey.  He does not buy it at the liquor store just because it is on sale and his best friend (the one he just betrayed for a Snickers bar) loves that brand of whiskey.  He does not honestly believe he can take that whiskey home and not think about sneaking a swig.

I sat in front of my TV for 3 hours trying to convince myself that I was deep into the football game – it was a good game.  The occasional thought of the recently bought candy in the candy dish certainly would not break my resolve to avoid sugar in my newly found dietary keto-genic miracle which had enabled me to drop 25 excess pounds of belly fat, eliminate my diagnosis of pre-diabetes, and astound my Medicare doctor with my healthy lipid profile.  No, hell no!  I was stronger than those wonderful chocolate morsels just waiting to touch my tongue with their delicious mouth-watering delight.

This morning I am a defeated man asking myself, “How did it happen, how could I have been so clueless?”

If you are one who prays, please pray for my recovery.  If you cross fingers (or any other body parts) please cross now.  Above all, please don’t hate me.  I’m just another human trying to negotiate the powers of addiction.  Oh Lord, why can’t I be addicted to foods like sardines or avocadoes or celery sticks…..or kale?