Early sobriety is exciting and sometimes terrifying. We are meeting a variety of new people, reading books we would never have considered opening just a few weeks ago, listening to sad stories of loss and humiliation, crying with the person sitting next to us at meetings, sitting at the coffee shop with folks we would never have associated with before.

And some of us suffer tremendous anxiety over our loss of identity in our community and our circle of friends. We suffer sleepless nights sorting out the changes necessary to survive the sobriety crisis. For new people, the early days can be a profound, life-changing crisis.

Most of us were functional drunks who maintained a somewhat normal life with jobs, families, commitments and hobbies. But we knew we could not drink like our buddies and be responsible enough to go home and turn into Joe, the typical family man. No, we said good night to our buddies outside the usual respectable bars and found dives on the other side of town where we could finish our night’s drunk unimpeded by conscience or responsibilities.

The early sobriety crisis deepened when we had to confess to those who loved us that we had been unfaithful leading us into sometimes risky sexual encounters. The ensuing medical testing to determine our risk of stds was expensive and humiliating. Some of us had juggled paychecks and investments to cover our spending which always exceeded the available funds. Yes, the sobriety crisis was a humbling experience. It did not always end with the initial confessionals and soul searching. The girlfriend from a few years ago appeared on the doorstep carrying a child claiming it to be her love child. The boss unraveled a scheme undertaken to pilfer assets from his business. A casual relationship with the local pastor was revealed in a most embarrassing disclosure.

However, God’s grace covered us during those crisis days. And make no mistake, it was the grace of a merciful and forgiving Higher Power that led us through the tough times soberly. We were tempted, we cried, we pounded our fists on the meeting room tables, we knew we would go insane, and thoughts of suicide haunted us. But, there was God at the meetings in the presence of other recovering addicts and alcoholics who encouraged us to come back, to stay sober for just another 24 hours, to stay sober even if our asses fell off. They loved us when we could not love ourselves.

We survived the self-doubt and our sobriety-crisis. We began to believe what they said at meetings. We embraced the blessing of clean and sober living. It became a habit. We made a commitment to this new experience of sobriety.

Now what? We have completely uprooted our lives, our routines. We have given up many of our closest friends. We have done the ninety and ninety and we have a Saturday night homegroup. We have joined a community faith group that honors the tenets of our AA group. We have an AA meeting that honors our belief in a Higher Power. Our marriage has been reaffirmed. We now come home after work and tinker in the garage and in the yard rather than sitting on a bar stool at the local pit stop.

So, tell me. Now what? What is missing?

We must ask, “Am I merely living without alcohol or have I truly made a commitment to sober living?” Do I understand that sober living entails so much more than avoiding alcohol? It has to be a life-changing experience. It has to be a crisis creating adventure. It has to become a dependence on the grace of a HIgher Power.

DRY OR SOBER?