When all the arguments are vented, when all the opinions are expressed, when all the chatter is expended, then is when I look at myself questioningly wondering what all that hullabaloo was about. Why was so much energy necessary attempting to prove that my version of all things holy is more accurate than yours? God needs my defense. I have more insight than you do. I am more level-headed, more sincere, more open-minded, more knowledgable, more socially aware than you. I, I, I,….me, me, me. It’s like a broken record from the golden oldies. Only difference today is that the old me does not control my life. It merely stops by to visit sometimes like a recurring bad dream.
The old me shone brilliantly in the delusions of self-importance relating to religion, politics, society, and philosophy. The old me sat high atop that bar stool explaining to whomever was unfortunately sitting nearby the theories of a drunk man trying to make himself feel like he truly mattered in the worldly realm. The old me convinced himself that all the personal problems, the brokenness, the failed relationships, the financial chaos, the self-loathing were the results of friends and family who did not understand me or appreciate me. The old me drank alcoholically because he was a weary and broken vessel in need of a spiritual fix. The old me was ‘self-will run riot’. Then, by the grace of a loving and compassionate Higher Power, the old me found the humility to surrender to a better way, a new way of living.
“Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood God.” Alcoholics Anonymous – step 3
“I tell you the truth, no one can see the Kingdom of God unless he is born again.” John 3:3
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Jesus went to his cross a broken and weary man having surrendered to the will of his Father. The ultimate reality of his sacrifice is that I also must sacrifice, have the willingness to be crucified to the ways of this world in order to realize a new existence resting in the truth of the One who assumed my weariness and my burdens. My life today is not measured by worldly victories. I don’t need to win the arguments anymore because I know that I am a simple messenger carrying the greatest, most important message to mankind.
lpb quest - the twilight dance 