I had an opportunity to visit with my pastor yesterday morning. The conversation was casual, centering on a number of concerns regarding theology. I refer to myself as the “doubting Thomas” syndrome. If I can’t see the nail holes and the wound in the side, I tend not to believe. Maybe that’s why people sometimes see me as cynical and wishy-washy. I need proof before I get off the fence to make a commitment. In some areas of secular life this is a good thing, but in my faith walk it is not always the best path.
I invariably reach a point when the way forward is a confident step into the world of faith in that which is mysterious and unknown. Given the evidence which life has accumulated for me proving that God exists and that Jesus loves me, that step should not be as difficult as it sometimes is. My miraculous ongoing recovery from alcoholism is one such piece of the evidence that a Higher Power has the answers to all questions and the grace to lead me to green pastures and still waters.
The PROMISES of the Alcoholics Anonymous program are no longer extravagant dreams; they are happening in my life and in the lives of others in the fellowship. I am in dire financial straits according to the norms of society, yet I don’t fear the future. I am an introvert by nature yet find myself comfortable in a room full of people even to the point of speaking to the group. Today I follow a God who is doing for me what I could not do for myself. In the beginning these were indeed nothing more than extravagant promises which required an enormous amount of faith in what was unknown. But, they were proven occurrences in my fellow AAers; I walked with them holding a faith that I also was worthy of these promises.
So it should be with my church affiliation. The promise that goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, that when I seek then I shall also find, that when I knock then the door shall be opened, that the Lord will give rest to my weary and burdened soul is a promise which I embrace with faith. With faith as small as a mustard seed mountains can be moved.
“If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” Matthew 17:20
It’s not rocket science, doesn’t require an impressive intelligence to realize that walking by faith in that which is a mystery, that loving a God which is unseen, that following a Jesus who was crucified cannot be measured by the world’s standards. The things of this world repeatedly have disappointed and caused pain and will continue to do so. Therefore, why follow the world when a mustard seed of faith will deliver unfathomable joy and peace? It’s one of the best investments I could possibly make.
In the end, if I have been wrong, if my faith is erroneously placed, if eternity with Jesus is not awaiting, if my final breath is indeed the last of me….no one will know the difference, least of all me. But, I will have spent this life living joyously in peace and absolute awe of a power greater than myself. Namaste.