LIFE (in the slow lane)

Hey Bubba, just between you and me –

I’m tired of running on just one spark plug.  My timing is off and my belts are slipping.  And don’t even ask me about my fluid levels.  Yeah, this old pile of rust and bolts just wants to retire to the junk yard.

Ever feel that way?  I thought a few days ago that a visit to my private fantasy island, Gonstagos, in the Mediterranean would cure my ills.  A time of communion with the brothers living in the cliff-side caves would restore and replenish.  Nope, nada.

I truly want life to pass by and abandon me to a routine of reading, writing, yoga and meditation.  Sure, a meal once in a while would be nice and a slice of apple pie in the evening.  Of course you can come to visit – let me check my social calendar.  How about the 5th Saturday of next August?  Oh sorry, that’s not good.  I’m having my annual prostate exam.

Perhaps finally as a septuagenarian I have recognized that I am not normal, never have been.  Not shy about social outings, but I don’t seek them.  Not a stick-in-the-mud, but I had fun 2 months ago and I’m still recovering.  No, I’m not set in my ways, but don’t ever put the carving knife in that drawer again.

They talk about old people becoming reclusive and withdrawn from the world.  Heck, I’ve always been that way.  I don’t like the world.  It’s full of people who don’t agree with my politics, my lifestyle, or my religion and they are unabashed in voicing their differences. Young hoodlums drive by the house with a radio blasting ruining my 2 o’clock nap.  Just no respect for seniors.  And the stray cats in the neighborhood know I’m a cat lover, so they trot over here to my yard and crap in my petunias.  No respect – none at all.

Yeah, just accept that I am a blustery, old codger who loves sitting on the porch shooting spit balls at the stray cats and a middle finger at the noisy hoodlums driving by.  I’m Ok with that, you should be too. Don’t try to refine me or reform me.  Some old folks are just too tired, too ornery and too worn out to care what others think.

Now, having that squared away, I’m going have a healthy Geritol and vinegar cocktail and a salad of fresh kale. Mmmmm-mmmmm.