QUIET !!!

SILENCE THE NOISE OF OTHERS; LISTEN TO YOUR OWN VOICE.

old codger

Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, ought to – words that always preceded advice from folks who felt they knew better than we did concerning subjects ranging from career choices to marriage prospects to church affiliations.  They always knew better, did they not?

How long did you tolerate this type of badgering and bullying?  I turned a deaf ear early in life, but unfortunately, I had no better options than those offered to me by others.  Before me lay a long road of self-abuse during which I would have done well to listen to family and friends.  In those years I was the epitome of  ‘self-will run riot’ and I know today as an old man that Larry Brown, the young man, had serious emotional deficits and character defects.  Some people will say, “yeah, Larry, when are you going to get better, you’re still whacko?”

“I can’t hear you.  That’s right, I won’t be listening anymore to your should have, could have, would have and ought to and I am not accepting your inventory of me.”

I began to heal when I trusted the inner voice more than the outside noise.  People, especially friends and family, learned that I no longer put their theories and perspectives before my own gut and conscience because I had learned to validate myself and the Higher Power of my understanding.  We have been an awesome team facing life on life’s terms.  It’s a love affair unlike any other realized on my journey’s path.

I humbly accept the available mercy and grace quietly with gratitude.  I speak, not with braggadocio, but under an awe which transcends human words and understanding.  Millions of fellow sufferers have traveled this same road knowing that it is not an earned reward for sober-living, but a gift freely given.  It is the essence of amazing grace unleashed on a wretch like me.

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JOHN 3:16

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“Don’t look back.  What happened then is now part of your story, a chapter in your life.  Reference it, remember it, learn from it, but don’t look back longingly.  You can’t have yesterday again.  It would impoverish your today.”

Certainly I would do life differently for today I hold the wisdom learned from yesterday.  Experience is a worthy teacher, but, it had to unfold exactly as it did for me to cultivate my lessons?  Each of those moments has molded my today.

“My child.  Don’t look back.  Doing so longingly discredits where I have brought you in your journey.  Your days of foolishness and frivolity tested my patience.  Your nights of deepest disobedience sorrowed my soul.”

Indeed, I was young and foolish.  Every one of my days was filled with deprivation.  Every night’s bed was one of wantonness and licentiousness.  My soul’s companion was unfathomable loneliness.  My desperate prayer was unheard.

“No, it was not unheard.  It was spoken from an insincere place within you that did not truly want to know or love me.  Like your fellow travelers on that path, you called upon me only in your times of travail.”

But, some of the times were good times.  Some of the experience was enjoyable.  The music that filled the air invigorated an otherwise dull existence.  The young people were excitedly filled with a casual indifference to the world scurrying about us.

“Of course you remember it that way.  Most of the experiences were not good.  Your life confused and concerned those who loved you.  Understanding your disregard for maturity and responsibility was impossible for them.”

Yes, that’s true.  And they loved me anyway.  Oh, if only I could return and let them know how sorry I am.  I stole their peace and dishonored their trust.  I was deeply dishonest and deceptive regarding the man I had become.

“My son, don’t you understand?  A father’s love, a mother’s love, a spouse’s love is unconditional as is my love.  Through it all, it was not a question of when we should stop loving you, but when you would learn to love yourself.”

Lord, have I become a man pleasant in your sight?  Would my father, my mother smile upon seeing my face again?  Could they ever forgive me for the shame endured because of my indiscretions?  Have I become a man worthy of your love?

“For I loved you so much that I gave my only begotten Son to you.  You are also my son whom I can love no less.  If you live the truth of Jesus, you will not perish but have life everlasting with me.  Does that answer your questions?”

Of course, John 3:16. Yes, Lord.  Amen.

CANDLE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

salvation-noun or verb?

smiley-face-2Just another traveler on life’s highway, hanging out in the slow lane.  It’s quiet, it’s peaceful; beyond the horizon is rest calling my name.  Green pastures, still waters, my cup overflows.

 

Sometimes we get caught up in Christianity’s preponderance with salvation.  This basic tenet says to us, in contemporary Christianity, that the goal of our faith walk should be salvation thus guaranteeing a place in God’s eternity.  Take the New Testament walk through the verses of salvation, become saved and born again, and miraculously a seat is reserved beside Jesus at the throne of Almighy God.  Unfortunately, for mankind, that viewpoint of salvation allows us to escape the primary command to live our lives humbly with graciousness, compassion, honor, respect, and love for the Creation.  We did the salvation thing and life can now continue as before because we’ve been “saved”.

Eternity happens later and there is no reason to become concerned with it in this life because we have achieved salvation.  There is no dire need to transform or evolve into the present Kingdom surrounding us and residing within us.

That transformation and evolution would require change of heart and change of mind, would it not?  It would require reworking the internal me.  Yes, I too followed that train wreck of modern evangelical Christianity until I realized, “Hey, if I’m born again, if I’m saved, why has nothing in my life changed?”  The answer came to me through the fellowship which led me into sobriety.  One of the primary observances of AA was a verse found in the book of James:

“For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”  James 2:26

Faith without works is a dead faith because the lack of works reveals an unchanged life or a spiritually dead heart.  That verse in James revealed to me that I could not rest on my laurels just because I claimed salvation.  The profession of being “born again” was just the start of a new way of living my life following the example of Jesus, the Christ.  I could not continue being the man I was before my proclamation.

I found it insightful to rethink the word salvation.  One of the definitions in the dictionary is 1) deliverance from sin and damnation, but another is simply 2) redemption.  Redeeming has less of a moral conviction, it denotes recovery and that is what I, a man who had followed the wrong trail in life, had to do after realizing my life needed to change.  My relationship with the ever-present Higher Power needed to be reclaimed.  An admission of the failure of my self-directed life was a starting point, I claimed rebirth, but that certainly could not be the end of the story.

My story is not appreciated by many Christians.  My story shakes their preconceived, theology-controlled concepts of the meaning of the Gospel and salvation.  Yet, upon study and research my story walks along the paths of Jesus and the Buddha.  Jesus and “the Way”, Buddha and “the Path” give me indisputable guidance in negotiating the Christian volumes of “thou shalt and thou shalt not” which have evolved from a very simple message which taught, not preached, how to become a part of Creation, not apart from Creation.”  Jack Wintz, Will I See My Dog in Heaven? (Paraclete Press: 2009), 29.

CANDLE