Are we crazy? Many people think we are when we express belief in a formless, invisible power which can’t be touched or seen. How often have acquaintances and family ridiculed our naiveté when making reference to the One who gives life and breath, the One who transcends all human understanding and reasoning?
“Well,” they say. “Define it.”
They question further, “Where does this undefinable, indescribable power live?”
“Ohhhhh, I see.”
Yep! Undoubtedly and indubitably crazy. They didn’t get it. They didn’t understand that I had to go crazy with love for the Higher Power that pulled me out of the insanity of alcoholism. They didn’t know, as I did, that there is a difference between crazy good and insanely stupid. Why was I insanely stupid? Because every time I sat down on that bar stool, I thought that this time was going to be different from all the other times. I thought that I would have two social drinks and then go home. I was sure that my drinking habit would miraculously change. Why? Because I had will power.
Many years passed with innumerable drunken escapades resulting in hangovers, lost car keys, misplaced wallets, puke-covered shirts, broken relationships, car wrecks and a shattered self-image. I finally understood the insanity of my alcoholic behavior.
Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.
It was insane to think I could drink and expect a different outcome at the end of the night. It was never going to be a night like that of my buddies who knew how to drink socially. You see, I would drink with them at the nice bars, bid them all a good-night when they went home to their families and then sneak to the other side of town where the action was. You know – the sleaze bars where it was easy to score and the potential one night stands got smarter and better looking as the night progressed. And that’s when I went crazy.
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Initially, family and friends thought it was extremely cool that I was on the wagon. “Hey, Larry’s not drinking anymore. Awesome.”
But, Larry had to change more about himself than simply not setting his butt on a bar stool every night. There were deep-seated issues that needed attention. Issues of insecurity, anger, envy, pride, and laziness. And that’s when the heavy artillery had to be called in. Detox, psychotherapy, meetings, meetings, meetings. Changes had to be made and I could not do it without help. I surrender, I give up. HELP!
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
I took the “as we understood God” part of step 3 very seriously and, unfortunately, not many people (family and friends) got it.
“Crazy! He’s crazy with religion. He went from a drunk to a Jesus freak. I liked him better when he was drinking.”
Yep, I’m crazy….but at least I’m not insane anymore.
2 Replies to “crazy?”
You’re not crazy at all! You just discovered what (and Who) was always there, although sometimes we are too blind to see.
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