crazy?

 

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Are we crazy?  Many people think we are when we express belief in a formless, invisible power which can’t be touched or seen.  How often have acquaintances and family ridiculed our naiveté when making reference to the One who gives life and breath, the One who transcends all human understanding and reasoning?

“Well,” they say.  “Define it.”

“Can’t.”

‘”Describe it.”

“Can’t.”

They question further, “Where does this undefinable, indescribable power live?”

“Within me.”

“Ohhhhh, I see.”

Yep! Undoubtedly and indubitably crazy.  They didn’t get it.  They didn’t understand that I had to go crazy with love for the Higher Power that pulled me out of the insanity of alcoholism.  They didn’t know, as I did, that there is a difference between crazy good and insanely stupid.  Why was I insanely stupid?  Because every time I sat down on that bar stool, I thought that this time was going to be different from all the other times.  I thought that I would have two social drinks and then go home.  I was sure that my drinking habit would miraculously change.  Why?  Because I had will power.

Many years passed with innumerable drunken escapades resulting in hangovers, lost car keys, misplaced wallets, puke-covered shirts, broken relationships, car wrecks and a shattered self-image.  I finally understood the insanity of my alcoholic behavior.

Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.

It was insane to think I could drink and expect a different outcome at the end of the night.  It was never going to be a night like that of my buddies who knew how to drink socially.  You see, I would drink with them at the nice bars, bid them all a good-night when they went home to their families and then sneak to the other side of town where the action was.  You know – the sleaze bars where it was easy to score and the potential one night stands got smarter and better looking as the night progressed.  And that’s when I went crazy.

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Initially, family and friends thought it was extremely cool that I was on the wagon.  “Hey, Larry’s not drinking anymore.  Awesome.”

But, Larry had to change more about himself than simply not setting his butt on a bar stool every night.  There were deep-seated issues that needed attention.  Issues of insecurity, anger, envy, pride, and laziness.  And that’s when the heavy artillery had to be called in.  Detox, psychotherapy, meetings, meetings, meetings.  Changes had to be made and I could not do it without help.  I surrender, I give up.  HELP!

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

I took the “as we understood God” part of step 3 very seriously and, unfortunately, not many people (family and friends) got it.

“Crazy!  He’s crazy with religion.  He went from a drunk to a Jesus freak.  I liked him better when he was drinking.”

Yep, I’m crazy….but at least I’m not insane anymore.

 

 

 

Mary, Did You Know

Just another traveler on life’s highway hanging out in the slow lane.  It’s quiet.  It’s peaceful.  Beyond the horizon is rest calling my name.  Green pastures, still waters, my cup overflows.

When I was a young teenaged boy, 14 years old, I had a terrific crush on an older woman.  Yeah, she was 17 and just about pretty as an angel.  Of course, not knowing what angels looked like, I had to use a lot of imagination and, believe me, that was not a problem.

Between her junior and senior year in high school, she and her momma took an extended trip to Germany to stay with distant relatives.  I was heartbroken, briefly, until a sexy, buxomly cheerleader winked at me in biology lab.  Smitten does not adequately define my newly discovered heart-throb.  I quickly forgot the older woman in my life.

Years later, I learned from reliable sources that the trip to Germany was coordinated with an unplanned pregnancy.  Surprise! Surprise!  Several of my female classmates found themselves in the same unexpected condition, but none of them resulted in an interracial child.  Surprise!  Surprise!  C’mon folks, it was 1963 in rural Pennsylvania.  Things like that simply were not allowed to happen.

“Mary immediately got up and hurried to the hill country, in the province of Judah, where her cousins Zacharias and  Elizabeth lived.  When Mary entered their home and greeted Elizabeth, who felt her baby leap in her womb, Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.  (Elizabeth shouting) You are blessed among all women, and the child you bear is blessed!   And blessed am I as well, that the mother of  my Lord has come to me!”  Luke 1:39-43 THE VOICE

The scriptures do not explain why Mary ran to the hills.  Is it possible that her explanation…..”well daddy, the Holy Ghost came upon me and told me that I would become pregnant by God and that my baby would be the Messiah”…..simply did not fly in her home town?  A child-bearing 12 or 13 year-old unmarried child probably encouraged a few questions from the village women drawing water at the well.  I also would probably run to the hills…or maybe Germany.

All of us need a place where we can feel safe and loved, a place away from judgement, condemnation and shame.  Mary found her refuge with her cousins Elizabeth and Zacharias.  We, too, have that same refuge freely available to us in the person of Mary’s son, Jesus.  Even for those who do not accept the virginity of Mary or the divinity of Jesus, the teachings and scriptures attributed to his earthly ministry are a blueprint for peace, contentment, and spiritual resurrection in this life.

Recovering addicts and alcoholics understand this resurrection.  It has been our experience.  We were dying and dead when a Higher Power restored us to the living.

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Step 2, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

CANDLE

 

 

 

 

 

 

SOBER TODAY – one, two, three

“Admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.”

“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

POWERLESS 1

When I first inserted this graphic, I said to myself, “I can’t use it because it is too blurred.”

Really?  Doesn’t that describe who and what we were in our addictions?  A big blur.  And the word POWERLESS is clear and distinct.  Yes, sometimes the words and pictures unplanned in what we write say more than 1000 words could say.

For some of us the transition from “me in charge” to God in charge was immediate, but for many it was a slow process which had to be renewed every morning, every hour of the day.  One, two, three every day for an extended period of time finally got us to the point where “admitting, believing, and turning it over” were as instinctive as breathing or pumping blood.  How often did we think, “My life wasn’t really that unmanageable?” or, “Maybe I could just drink socially like my buddies do? ” or, “I’ll decide what I turn over to my Higher Power?”

Cunning, baffling, and powerful!  Such is the nature of our disease which will not be satisfied until we are insane or dead.  Our fellowship friends who decided to test the waters of drinking again sometimes returned to reassure us that nothing had changed “out there”.  They were the fortunate ones.  Many never returned.

A recovery is a Godsend.  It is God’s grace giving us a chance to live sober lives.  We should never, ever, assume that we will have more than one opportunity to be victorious over alcohol.  It is not guaranteed.  Not because God is unwilling, but because we are fallible, broken men and women who are powerless over alcohol.

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world peace

larry6Often I wonder if the characters who are portrayed as spiritual stalwarts centuries ago could survive in the madness of today.  Would they be as courageous in the face of modern-day persecution?  Would they be as capable of finding the quietness of contemplation and meditation of which we are so desirous in today’s culture?  My answer is always a resounding “yes”.  Although the connections of social media and news media were not as immediate as that which we have today, I believe the issues were the same and I know from historical accounts that the persecution was extremely horrendous.  The coverage that rolls across our viewing screens continues to depict the unfathomable inhumanity of man against man.  It is historical and it continues to be the ungodly force which defines mankind.

But, I don’t have to live that way or be deterred by hatred and violence in my life’s journey.  You don’t either.  Realizing that the hope for our world lies not in the might of peace enforced by military power or governmental control, but in each individual member of mankind who is determined to live according to the message of ancient and modern mystics by recognizing an indwelling God, some call it Spirit, and God’s directive to love one another as we have been loved.  We are called to replace devotion to self with service to neighbor.  It’s an attainable solution to a worldwide problem which is leading our species to annihilation.

The message of God’s messengers from Buddha to Jesus to St. Francis to Gandhi to Martin Luther King, Jr. has always been social revolution by peaceful resistance to violence.  And that revolution begins with you and with me.  It’s a readily available inside solution to an earth-threatening plague.

And it’s not that difficult.  Many of us in recovery know the power bestowed upon us when we “came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity,” and then, “made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”  steps 2 &3, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

We were lost in the insanity of addiction much as the world today is lost in the insanity of hatred and violence.  Addiction and hatred are both soul-killers and the cure for both will be found when we turn to the indwelling divinity which does not need to be sought or discovered from outside sources.  It is innate and readily available.  Just “be still and know.” Psalm 46:10

This journey of discovery is a life-time process which I will never do perfectly.  But, I can travel through this experience as a fearless sojourner who relies upon a Higher Power which wants nothing but goodness and mercy for me and for the world in which I live.

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  Psalm 23:6

awesome

CANDLE

Just another traveler on life’s highway hanging out in the slow lane.  It’s quiet, it’s peaceful.  Beyond the horizon is rest calling my name.  Green pastures, still waters, my cup overflows.

Redeemer, counselor, comforter.
Lord of lords,
king of kings,
merciful and mighty.
Awesome.

Light in my darkness.
Refuge in my fear,
comfort in my pain,
everlasting and eternal.
Awesome.

Forgiver, father, confidante.
Ever present,
always within,
never failing.
Awesome.

Come, see, believe.
You belong,
you are loved,
you are also His.
Share my awesome God.

“Jesus said unto him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life……'”  John 14:6

In our recovery we follow the way set before us in the literature and the fellowship.  We are not alone and we are not perfect.  But, our Higher Power guides through all turmoil, fear, and temptation.  We only need to accept the mercy, grace, and forgiveness offered to us.  Have we found the truth and a new life in sobriety?

Came to believe that  a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  TWELVE & TWELVE, step 2

restoration

“Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a right spirit within me

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Came to believe a power greater than ourselves
could restore us.
Restore our sanity, our destiny, our dignity.
Return us to community, to family, to God.
We became willing to choose freedom over addiction.
The light of victory became an indwelling spirit whose
beacon defeated alcohol’s darkness.