I will not!

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.  But those that will not break it kills.  It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially.  If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.” ERNEST HEMINGWAY

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The very good and the very gentle and the very brave – let’s focus on those words.  The world system seems to despise those who have a moral compass, those who are peacemakers, those who have the courage to march to a different drummer.  Governments, religions, and financial systems do not honor a man/woman who answers their demands with “no, I will not live that way.”

We are labeled ‘unpatriotic’ if we do not toe the current disgrace posing as a legitimate government.  When we kneel in obeisance to compassion and tolerance rather than stand pledging  allegiance to the cloth symbol of a nation, we are castigated as revolutionary and disrespectful.  Well, maybe we are.  All great accomplishments in governing have been manifested by protest.  No, I cannot be silent when brothers and sisters of a different color or creed do not equally enjoy the fruits of the nation they have served in battle and embraced as home.

I will not profess the creeds of religions which deny even the most basic human understanding that all creatures are made in the image of the One whom they profess as God and Savior while simultaneously endorsing locked cages of children on our border and a war in the Gulf which threatens the citizens of Yemen with epic, catastrophic starvation.  No, I will not.

I will not participate in the corporate destruction of our sacred ecosystem for the sake of increased profits of corporations which have abdicated ecological responsibility in lieu of financial extravagance.  While much of the world’s population  lives without the basic comforts of adequate food and clean water, placating the luxuriant appetites of the privileged at the expense of the marginalized poor cannot possibly advance the survival of our species materially or spiritually.

Enough is enough.  Enough corruption, enough hatred, enough greed, enough racism, enough killing.  Where will we choose to stand as our country approaches the threshold of despotic, authoritarian leadership?  As the earth’s ecosystem is screaming “enough” where will our allegiance be placed?  The answer for each of us is within.  When that quiet voice of protest within becomes a scream reverberating throughout the universe, then, perhaps, we can be assured that we have done enough.

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let go – let God

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In the King James Version of the American Standard Bible there are 400 verses that mention the word “peace”.  The BARNES’ NOTES commentary on a passage from Philippians 4:7,

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding…..”

writes that “this peace is that which is felt when we have no anxious care about the supply of our needs, and when we go confidently and commit everything into the hands of God.”

“….shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

The commentary goes on to say that ‘shall keep’  was translated from a military term meaning guarded and preserved lending further definition of peace as freedom guarded from the intrusion of anxious fears and alarms.

LET GO – LET GOD

In my first recovery meeting room, those framed words were hanging on the wall in front of me.  “What in the world does that mean?  Let go of what?  How does a man do that?”  Not an easy undertaking for an alcoholic dedicated to self-will run riot for his entire life.  “Absolutely not, I will not surrender anything to something I can’t see, touch or talk to.”

I was urged by the others, sitting at the tables sharing their stories, to embrace steps 1, 2, and 3, the surrender steps of the 12 step program which had graced their lives with sustained sobriety.

1) Admitted we were powerless over  alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. 2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3) Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.

Surrender – once and done?  Not really.  It became a daily practice which for most of us continues even after years of sobriety.  It directly affects the peace of God which surpasses all human understanding.  Without surrender I will not enjoy peace. Without peace, life once again becomes unmanageable and insane.

This way of living, sober-living, is not about religion and Bible passages.  Neither is it about performing the 12 step programs perfectly until completion.  It is the way we approach all of life’s challenges and surprises.  It is an ongoing surrender to the energy which we call Higher Power.

One of my most trusted prayers is the prayer of St. Francis.  It begins:

“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace…..”

When I reflect on those words, it is not a request to send me out into the world as a peacemaker among friends, peoples or nations.  No, it is directed inwardly to create a space within which is free of worry and anxiety.  The world’s insanity will probably not embrace peace in this day, but I can.  Join me?

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joy or misery – it’s a choice

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Let me repeat that.  In this new day we can choose to be joyful or we can choose to be miserable.  Within each of us is the power to wallow in this world’s drudgery or soar on wings of joy – and it is possible without the use of pharmaceuticals, alcohol, or any mind-altering substances.

“…..we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness….we will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace…”  from the promises, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

The promises listed are not just fancy ideals written by a successful recovering alcoholic.  They are reality for millions of alcoholics who choose to follow a program of sober-living earnestly and honestly….“are these extravagant promises?  We think not!”  That, in a nutshell, is the beauty of our lifestyle.  Today, we have choices which were dismally not available before.  Joy or misery is one of those choices.

Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, of the body and of the soul.  It is cunning, baffling and powerful.  It wants to see you and I either in a mental institution or in the grave and it will not rest until it destroys us.  But, we have resources available that can conquer our disease.  For some it is Alcoholics Anonymous, for others it is Celebrate Recovery, still others discover sobriety through numerous spiritual programs.  They all present to us a way of changing our lives and living victoriously as new men and women.  They rebuke the power of alcohol in our lives and replace that demon with the power of choice.

The joy of living soberly is directly linked to an attitude of gratitude.  What is on this morning’s gratitude list?  Nothing?  Let’s think again.  Did we sleep in a warm, comfortable bed last night?  Do we remember this morning where we were last night, what we did?  Do we suffer from blackouts?  Are we filled with self-loathing because of what we did last night?  Were we unfaithful to our spouses?  Did we spend the family’s grocery money on booze?  Are we calling the boss and lying about why we will not be at work?  Yeah, we have much about which to be grateful, don’t we?

I suffer varying degrees of arthritis pain on a daily basis.  Many of us endure medical and physical conditions that limit activity.  Are we going to allow these maladies to diminish joyful living?  Absolutely not.  The pain I feel this morning is a reminder that my body is still alive and functioning.  When the day arrives that this body is not responsive to stimuli, good or bad, then I shall likely be dead.  And although that is neither good nor bad, I am not yet ready to be dead.

So let’s make our choices.  Will that choice be a joyful interaction with all that has been restored to us through the grace of recovery or will it be a miserable day of drudgery wallowing in the pit of negative thoughts and behavior?  Which will we choose?

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EGO – it’s a killer

Have we ever considered what it is about others than disturbs us the most?  Is it their conceit, their crass behavior, their selfishness?  Or is it their love of possessions, their old codgerdisregard for society’s moral conduct, their dishonesty?  Of course, the next question would require us to look into our own selves wondering what it is about them that trips our  trigger.

In my early recovery years, as I was complaining to my sponsor about  a group member who embodied everything which I despised, he responded this way,

All that you hate in others are elements of your own personality that you are afraid to look at.”

“Hell no, that’s not true,”  I replied defensively.  “I am not like that.”

And I truly believed that.  But, the seed had been planted and would not allow me to rest until I took it to my  quiet space within and considered my sponsor’s words.  Jerry could be shallow and selfish – yeah, me too, we are, after all, alcoholics.  Jerry could seem arrogant – yeah, me too, but that was due to my insecurity with others.  Jerry seemed disinterested in his group members – yeah, me too, but again I was shy and felt awkward with people.  Jerry didn’t seem to grasp the humility in recovery, his concept of a Higher Power was weird – really?  What did I profess as a Higher Power?  A vengeful, old, gray bearded, eyes on fire, lightning-spitting man sitting somewhere in the universe on his throne of judgement?  How weird is that?

In due time I learned a lot about myself from Jerry.  He mirrored my own ego which at that time totally controlled who I was.  Eckhart Tolle in his book, A NEW EARTH -AWAKENING TO YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE, writes:

“The particular egoic pattern that you react to most strongly in others and misperceive as their identity tend to be the same patterns that are also in you, but that you are unable or unwilling to detect within yourself.  In that sense, you have much to learn from your enemies.  What is it in them that you find most upsetting, most disturbing?  Their selfishness?  Their greed?  Their need for power and control?  Their insincerity, dishonesty, propensity to violence, or whatever it may be?  Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”

The initial response is probably, “no way, not true.” But, as with any planted seed, this will not disappear until it is either choked with weeds and dies or nourished and brought to fulfillment.  The question becomes whether we will wither in our denial or respond and grow.  That, essentially, is what recovery is about.  It is much more than living without alcohol and drugs or whatever our addictions entertain.  It is a continual recognition of the external forces and internal thoughts that attempt to control our true identity, that state of Being which the Buddha called anata – no self.   Words attributed to Jesus of Nazareth in the 8th chapter of Mark, verse 34, “whoever wants to be my disciple (follow my Truth) must deny self…..” which, in other words, is  to deny ego control of our response to the world in which we live.  Peace or drama?  How will we choose to live?

Our world has become one of us versus them.  Nationalism, tribalism, religious intolerance – they all try to convince us that we are superior to them.  The them are always wrong while us are always right.  Eons ago this mindset meant only that the caveman with the best clubs and biggest stones would win and the others would need to move on to find another cave in which to live.

We are not cave dwellers.  We have missiles and nuclear weapons instead of clubs and stones.  Our separateness cannot be resolved by conflict and violence.  There will be, in a World War 3, no winners.  Our species and probably earth as we know it will be eradicated.

The next time I watch on media screens a national leader or world power whom I despise, the next time I see a religious leader lead his flock astray, the next time I look at my neighbor with disgust, I must remember the lessons which Jerry taught me in early sobriety.  Despite the outward appearances of polarizing differences, we are the same.  What we do, how we think will determine whether this species of ours sees a 22nd or 23rd century.  It’s our responsibility to grow our planted seed into selfless maturity.

GARDEN OF EDEN

 

Carpe diem

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Hallelujah, it’s a new day, opportunity for a fresh start, the first day of the rest of your life.  C’mon, get out of bed, stretch your arms, say a few words of thanks for breath, for heartbeat, for arms and legs that move.  Hug your spouse, cat or dog and go brush your teeth.  While looking in the bathroom mirror, say to yourself, “you are wonderful, I love you.”

“Larry, it’s raining, the weather is dismal, my spouse is snoring, my back hurts, I was up too many times to pee, I am tired and I just want to snuggle up to my pillow and waste the day in bed.”

Okay, that also is an option.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day – if you still have breath and a heartbeat tomorrow.  Do you realize the rarity of being alive this moment of  this day in the history of mankind?  Do you understand how precious this waking moment is, that any moment’s breath could be the last?  Do you?

CARPE DIEM!  Seize the day, it belongs to you.  Your Lord made it just for you.  We don’t have the luxury of rolling the dice and accepting anything that happens in this day.  Get out there and do something.  Learn something new.  A skill, a hobby, a new yoga practice, a delicious recipe for Caribbean chicken, an exciting writing idea.  Just do it.  Carpe diem.  Tomorrow could be too late.

Lounging in bed still sounding like a good idea?  Okay, try this.  Think of a friend in the hospital who can’t leave his bed, an elderly family member who’s confined to a wheelchair, the veteran who suffers debilitating PTSD, your neighbor who unsuccessfully attempted suicide last week?

God gave you this day to make a difference in your life or the life of another of his children.  Seize the moment and make it a spectacular testimony of a life well-lived and humbly appreciated.  And when that last breath of the last moment of the last day is upon us, may we hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

So get up, get moving!  It’s a beautiful day.

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my KETO journey – tada!

GABBY'S PLACE

I AM NOT A DOCTOR NOR A NUTRITIONIST.  WHAT I AM SHARING ON THIS POST IS SIMPLY MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

Am I thrilled?  Pretty dang close.  My scale this morning told me I now weigh in at 180 pounds.  ONE-HUNDRED AND EIGHTY pounds – 81.6 kilograms.  I began my renewed effort to lose weight about 4 months ago when my doctor called me borderline obese at 202 pounds.  My BMI calculation was more blunt.  That 28.2 calculation told me I was over the line meaning I had joined millions of other American men who sported a spare tire.  My ultimate goal is to weigh in within six months at 165-170 pounds.  That would put me at a BMI of roughly 24.

But even more significant is the lifestyle I have discovered through keto-genics.  I initially became interested because of my arthritis pain and the conviction that diet plus lifestyle change…

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resentments

resentment : to feel bitter, indignant, aggrieved, or offended
Eckhart Tolle, A NEW EARTH – AWAKENING TO YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE

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Dealing with the delicate, easily offended part of the human being labeled as the ego can be difficult.  It is that internal mechanism which screams me, me, me or mine, mine, mine, and I, I, I.  It is that voice which asks indignantly, “How could you do that to me?” Resentments lead to grudges, grudges lead to grievances, and grievances on  a national level lead to wars.  Grievances manifest in tribalism and nationalism.  The world’s most notorious despots have relied on grievances against imagined ‘enemies of the people’ to establish autocratic rule and subsequent persecution or genocide.

Pheeeew!  Are you saying, Larry, that my petty disagreement and resulting resentment with my neighbor over his insult regarding my yard’s landscaping efforts (or lack thereof) can lead to World War 3?  Probably not.  But, our lives will be blessed with serenity and comfort if we learn how to deal with the ego’s need to feel demeaned or belittled, hurt or unappreciated.

First, I need to realize that my neighbor’s comment about the weeds in my yard were most likely not meant to hurt – it was merely his observation about something which for reasons beyond my control were important to his ego.  Does my yard detract from his flawless, picture-perfect landscape?  Does my yard infer that I am a lazy homeowner?  Does the view of my front yard from his recliner looking out the bay window of his house somehow deprive him of his serenity?  Does he see the beautiful wildflowers in my yard as unsightly weeds?

I don’t know and probably never will know the reasons for his assault on my personal integrity.  Yeah, this situation has now blossomed into a  full-fledged grudge.  I want revenge.  How can I get even?  What evil can I employ to retaliate?  Maybe I’ll throw my cat’s poop over the fence into his perfect petunia bed.  Yeah, that would really piss him off.  Wow!  My me, me, me and his me, me, me are now poised for conflict.  Ego.  All because of offended egos.

So, do we ban ego from our being?  Can’t, it’s innate to humans.  But perhaps, we can keep it in check.  The next time I encounter a difference of opinion with my neighbor, maybe I ought to look beyond his words and actions with an understanding that he is also a work in progress, a man filled with insecurities and fears just like me.  Maybe he has endured hardships that are unknown to me.  Maybe he has medical conditions that are of concern to him.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.  Bottom line is that he and I are one in this spiritual experience called life on earth.  Together we can resolve problems and resentments.  But, in opposition we can only encourage World War 3.

In the book ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, Bill W. writes:

Resentment is the number one offender.  It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.  From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have not only been mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.  When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.  

Also in ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS on page 552, from a member’s story:

“If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you pray for the person or the thing you resent, you will be free.  If you will ask in prayer everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free.  Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.”

I want to be free.  I’m ready to pray about my resentments.  How about you?

LOVE

 

I hate you

How often have you and I thought or voiced these emotionally-charged words?  Maybe it was yesterday when the neighbor was critical of our yard maintenance.  Or it could have angry emojibeen the boss unfairly expecting us to give up weekend plans in order to come in to work.  Or maybe it was a national leader speaking words which are contrary to our personal moral compass.  Or maybe it was directed inwardly because of our own faults and misdeeds.

“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love…”

Giovanni di Pietro di Bernardone (1181 – 1226) is attributed with these words, an excerpt from a  familiar prayer commonly called THE PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS.

Hatred is one of the most difficult words to comprehend because it carries an immensely negative emotion.  Within that negativity we create enemies, despicable visions of others, and ultimately, discontent within our own souls.  Let’s, for the sake of rational dialog, nail hatred to the underlying emotion of fear which is a very real motivator in all of mankind.

Fear prevents unconditional love.  Fear promotes violence.  Fear murders, maims, persecutes.  Fear promotes separateness among men and warfare among nations.  Fear is the darkness in mankind’s soul which enables genocide and ethnic cleansing.

White nationalism embraces fear, our leaders project fear, some men of religion preach fear.  Hatred is taught, but fear is that innate human condition which in today’s society is being used as a weapon against practicing social justice, tolerance and equality.

That is why we recite the words of St. Francis – Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.  We cannot fight hatred with hatred.  We cannot fight violence with violence.  We cannot vie to be top dog in the world at the expense of the huddled masses desiring nothing more than the crumbs under the table.  We cannot destroy our planet by exploiting resources to fill corporate coffers or because we fear that there is not enough for everybody.  Peace is not just a state of inner being – it is a call to action.  It is a determined effort to illumine the darkness.

We in Western culture have been conditioned to think of love as a warm, fuzzy feeling reserved for spouses, family, friends, others who step in line to our own personal march.  We celebrate love with cute greeting cards and expensive gifts.  We write romantic songs and poems about love.  We fall in love with the idea of love.

The ancient wisdom teachers would disagree.  In their writings love is the opposite of fear.  Love unifies the Christian and the Muslim, the white man and the black man, the Republican and the Democrat, the straight and the gay.  There are no enemies in the world of love, there are merely differences to be embraced.  Love is not the opposite of hatred;  it is the cure for fear which is the root of hatred.  It is the understanding that we as co-equal inhabitants of this planet are responsible for living in peaceful co-existence.

“The root of violence is the illusion of separation—from God, from being one with oneself and everything else, and from Being Itself.” CAC.ORG

Mohandas Gandhi said nonviolence was the active, unconditional love toward others, the persistent pursuit of truth, the radical forgiveness toward those who hurt us, the steadfast resistance to every form of evil, and even the loving willingness to accept suffering in the struggle for justice without the desire for retaliation. —John Dear CAC.ORG – FR. RICHARD ROHR

 

my KETO journey – nightshades

GABBY'S PLACE

I AM NOT A DOCTOR NOR A NUTRITIONIST.  WHAT I AM SHARING ON THIS POST IS SIMPLY MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

No, I am not writing a post about the window blinds we pull down in the evening for privacy and security.  Nightshades are vegetables and fruits which belong to family of Solanaceae plants of the Solanum genus.  There are more than 2000 species.  Ta-da!  Here are the most common.

POTATOES
TOMATOES
PEPPERS
EGGPLANTS
TOMATILLOS
GOJI BERRIES (WOLFBERRIES)
GARDEN HUCKLEBERRIES ( BUT NOT BLUEBERRIES)
GROUND CHERRIES
CAPE GOOSEBERRIES

If you have a nightshade allergy, your body thinks the proteins from the nightshade vegetable or fruit is a harmful substance and attempts to fight them off.  In contrast, with a nightshade sensitivity, you are unable to fully digest the nightshade vegetable or fruit , leading to digestive complications or other symptoms. nightshades

I did not want to see this, but I am…

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pro life – pro choice

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I normally don’t weigh in on this topic because I am…….a coward.  Aha!  You thought I was about to say that as a man I don’t feel qualified to offer an opinion.  My friends, I have survived this life for 72 years by keeping most of my opinions regarding a woman’s rights between me and my Creator.  However, should I be questioned about abortion and a woman’s reproductive rights, I would have to defer to an even greater right which we all have.  And that is the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

But, I must occasionally quiz myself about my views.  If I were a pro-lifer, would I value the life of a homeless woman equally to mine, would I embrace the life of a refugee from a country filled with violence and killing equally to mine, would I support the life of my Muslim neighbor practicing his faith, would I welcome the black or brown man as a life which matters equally in God’s eyes, would I cherish the life of a tiger or lion equally to mine?  Would I value all of Creation equally?

Would I?  Would you?  Do you, who profess to be pro-life, value all life as sacred?

If you and I cannot affirm all of life and every creature’s right to live it’s designed purpose on earth, then we would probably need to approach the issue of pro-life this way:

the labeling is all wrong.

One cannot claim to be pro-life unless one supports every aspect of life, every human’s right to exist , every lion’s right to prowl and hunt, every butterfly’s right to flutter, every fetus’s right to be birthed.  Perhaps some anti-abortion people who exclude a majority of life on earth as irrelevant ought to appropriately call themselves “pro-birthers.”

So, the question to me needs to be presented this way.  “Whom do I choose to offend?”  Whaaaaat?  Did you really believe that after 72 years of survival in a woman’s world that I would offer an opinion?  I may be old, but I am not yet senile.  Yep, I’m a coward.

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