my coloring book

 

Remember your coloring books from years past?  Bugs Bunny, Casper the Ghost, Sleeping Beauty?  Great, creative pastimes for young minds.  I became very adept at staying within the lines, using appropriate colors, and displaying my masterpieces on the refrigerator.  It is, even today, a wonderful pacifier for tumultuous times.  We now have digital coloring books.

Well folks, coloring books
ain’t what they used to be.
Below are examples of
what is now available for the parent
who wants his/her child to grow up with……..

the right stuff

 

…….be sure to order yours now just in time for the 2020 elections

cropped-laughing-emoji2.png

the American way – part 2

Truly folks, I thought that yesterday when I posted my ‘letter to the editor’ regarding soaring gun sales in my community, I had tempered my anger and my juices would mellow out.

WRONG!

Today’s Google news feed showed a man packing a military style weapon while ordering a sandwich at his local Subway.  Really??

Maybe he’s skeered that the big Subway salami will wrestle him to the floor and have it’s way with his cute, little ……oops, sorry.  I promised to be a little more spiritual today.

Maybe he’s on his way to a rally for his favorite politician?

Maybe he just returned from a tour of duty in Afghanistan?

Maybe he’s a spokesperson for Remington?

Naaaaw, I like my 1st thought….he’s a wuss frightened by the Subway salami.

cropped-laughing-emoji2.png

Chinese ingenuity ?

So many of us have lived our lives placing unmerited value on the opinions of others while discrediting our personal truth and reality.  Breaking the shackles of people-pleasing requires honest self-appraisal, a healthy dose of self-esteem, and an enormous commitment to self-realization.

A right-wing sanctioned, Limbaugh-inspired, home-spun supported, neighborhood-disseminated theory of the origins of covid-19 is that the Chinese government somehow is using this virus to gain control of financial markets and put the rest of the consuminglaughing emoji3 world under their control.  Thus, we suffering Americans are experiencing toilet paper shortages at our local stores.

Hurrah for the Chinese.  They are thumping us where it hurts.  Best way to win the trade wars is to force the world to use corn cobs in the loo.  I can just imagine those tiny hands and smiling faces in Peking factories singing, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, Oh what a relief it is.”

What’s that you say?  “Larry, you’ve gone bonkers with all this social isolation, that’s the Alka Seltzer song.”  Hmmmm, think about it for a moment – plop, plop, splash, splash, oh what a relief….

Sorry, folks.  Rational thinking, truth and intelligence cannot counter the bull crap cropped-laughing-emoji2.pngfloating around my neighborhood (sorry, there I go again with this insane train of thought).  Seriously, there is no relief to the stupidity to which some Americans will stoop to promote their conspiracy du-jour.

 

I   AM   LARRY – worthy, unique, loved

unshackled 3

it was a very good year

When I was a little boy and did foolish things, they smiled and called me cute.  young, mature, oldWhen I was thirty-five and did foolish things, they admired and called me adventurous.  Now that I am an old man doing foolish things, they roll their eyes and call me senile.  I just don’t get it.  Make up your mind.

 

cropped-pride7.png

ostensibly

The word has a ring to it that piques my attention.  I have been writing blogs for several years and never had opportunity to use the word ostensible.  Now is my chance to realize another of life’s dreams.

“I ostensibly bought the two bags of candy for my partner because he loves candy.”

And since that candy was on sale at the grocery store, BOGO, (buy one, get one free) of course I had to take two bags.  One does not refuse a BOGO offer.  Who in their right mind would not take the second box of cereal, or the second package of chicken, or the second can of tuna?  Lord forbid!

Friends, I had a major slip last night.  For 3 months I have been adhering to the keto lifestyle which excludes, along with grains and refined seed oils, SUGAR.  Yes, sugar is a major faux pas with keto-genic.  AND, this old man loves his sugar snacks.  Force me to choose between the life of my best friend and a Snickers bar and I would need a minute or two to make that decision –  the Snickers bar of course.

I should know better.  I am a recovering alcoholic.  An alcoholic does not tempt his sobriety with a bottle of his favorite whiskey.  He does not buy it at the liquor store just because it is on sale and his best friend (the one he just betrayed for a Snickers bar) loves that brand of whiskey.  He does not honestly believe he can take that whiskey home and not think about sneaking a swig.

I sat in front of my TV for 3 hours trying to convince myself that I was deep into the football game – it was a good game.  The occasional thought of the recently bought candy in the candy dish certainly would not break my resolve to avoid sugar in my newly found dietary keto-genic miracle which had enabled me to drop 25 excess pounds of belly fat, eliminate my diagnosis of pre-diabetes, and astound my Medicare doctor with my healthy lipid profile.  No, hell no!  I was stronger than those wonderful chocolate morsels just waiting to touch my tongue with their delicious mouth-watering delight.

This morning I am a defeated man asking myself, “How did it happen, how could I have been so clueless?”

If you are one who prays, please pray for my recovery.  If you cross fingers (or any other body parts) please cross now.  Above all, please don’t hate me.  I’m just another human trying to negotiate the powers of addiction.  Oh Lord, why can’t I be addicted to foods like sardines or avocadoes or celery sticks…..or kale?

smiley face 2