it was a very good year

When I was a little boy and did foolish things, they smiled and called me cute.  young, mature, oldWhen I was thirty-five and did foolish things, they admired and called me adventurous.  Now that I am an old man doing foolish things, they roll their eyes and call me senile.  I just don’t get it.  Make up your mind.

 

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ostensibly

The word has a ring to it that piques my attention.  I have been writing blogs for several years and never had opportunity to use the word ostensible.  Now is my chance to realize another of life’s dreams.

“I ostensibly bought the two bags of candy for my partner because he loves candy.”

And since that candy was on sale at the grocery store, BOGO, (buy one, get one free) of course I had to take two bags.  One does not refuse a BOGO offer.  Who in their right mind would not take the second box of cereal, or the second package of chicken, or the second can of tuna?  Lord forbid!

Friends, I had a major slip last night.  For 3 months I have been adhering to the keto lifestyle which excludes, along with grains and refined seed oils, SUGAR.  Yes, sugar is a major faux pas with keto-genic.  AND, this old man loves his sugar snacks.  Force me to choose between the life of my best friend and a Snickers bar and I would need a minute or two to make that decision –  the Snickers bar of course.

I should know better.  I am a recovering alcoholic.  An alcoholic does not tempt his sobriety with a bottle of his favorite whiskey.  He does not buy it at the liquor store just because it is on sale and his best friend (the one he just betrayed for a Snickers bar) loves that brand of whiskey.  He does not honestly believe he can take that whiskey home and not think about sneaking a swig.

I sat in front of my TV for 3 hours trying to convince myself that I was deep into the football game – it was a good game.  The occasional thought of the recently bought candy in the candy dish certainly would not break my resolve to avoid sugar in my newly found dietary keto-genic miracle which had enabled me to drop 25 excess pounds of belly fat, eliminate my diagnosis of pre-diabetes, and astound my Medicare doctor with my healthy lipid profile.  No, hell no!  I was stronger than those wonderful chocolate morsels just waiting to touch my tongue with their delicious mouth-watering delight.

This morning I am a defeated man asking myself, “How did it happen, how could I have been so clueless?”

If you are one who prays, please pray for my recovery.  If you cross fingers (or any other body parts) please cross now.  Above all, please don’t hate me.  I’m just another human trying to negotiate the powers of addiction.  Oh Lord, why can’t I be addicted to foods like sardines or avocadoes or celery sticks…..or kale?

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if God were here – what would She do?

laughing emoji2A dear friend recently suggested that listening to Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, right-wing politicians and preachers would add a dimension of understanding to the crisis enveloping our nation.  I tried his advice and immediately realized that the new dimension puts me in greater fear and disgust than ever.  The crap America finds itself in is much more odorous and enormously deeper than I ever imagined.  To my friend I must answer, “Next time just mind your own business.”

Okay, okay, I’ll admit that my attitude doesn’t advance the enlightenment of mankind nor does it advance a civil conversation, but I am wearied by the daily assault of racism and misogyny from the State News Network, the WH, and Bootlickers Unlimited.  I am wearied by curses and labels from those who are incapable of engaging in meaningful, intelligent dialog.  I am wearied….oh Lord, I am simply too tired to explain one more time to one more white, evangelical Republican that all people are created equal.  Yes, the blacks, browns, Muslims, gays, and Puerto Ricans are also loved by an omnipotent, magnanimous, munificent God and She absolutely loves those brown babies sitting in cages on our border.  Yes, She does.  It says so in their Christian scriptures.

You may query, “Larry, you seem awfully out of sorts, are you a political burn-out?”

I am fine, but I am weary.  And I am disillusioned.  Those issues that we are urged to discuss and find compromising solutions suitable to both of us – I have come to realize  we are so polarized on those key issues that there is no compromise.  Compromise is overrated anyway.  It reminds me of my ex-wife.  The compromise she advocated was this: “what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine and what’s ours is mine.”  Do you see the problem there?

Actually, I should probably not be this insincere about the weighty problems facing our nation, but have I told you how weary I am?  The American Academy of Psychologists has defined a new disorder in our country which they have named TBCS – trump bull crap syndrome.  It affects 10 out of every 10 Democrats and it is contagious.  Hey, go easy on me, I did not name this affliction and I did not vote for trump.

I see two solutions to my dilemma. 1) Seek solace and refuge with my make-believe monk friends on the island of Galagos in the Mediterranean, or 2) buy a few white sheets and work counter-intelligence with the local KKK.  Okay, option 2 is not a valid solution because there is no intelligence to counter in the KKK.   However, come to think of it, there is a 3rd solution.

Pray hard, trust that God, in her mysterious ways, will emasculate the bullies who have usurped our government and then lead our nation to a sensible election in 2020.  Maybe a female President?  Or maybe a gay president?

We want Pete, we want Pete, we want Pete.

PETE BUTTUGUEGc6fe7102aaf9242136b451907b02957d[1]

It’s a zoo

Sue and Stu
lost at the zoo,
devilsaid Stu to Sue
“What shall we do,
it’s a very large zoo?”

Frank and Hank,
over by the shark tank,
said Hank to Frank
“Let’s play a prank
on Sue and Stu.”

But Mary and Jerry,
friends of Sue and Stu,
overheard Hank and Frank’s prank
over by the shark tank-
diabolical, evil and rank.
Said Jerry to Mary, “it truly stank.”

So they conspired with a man
whose name was Stan,
a very diminutive man,
and they hatched a plan.
Stan found an empty soup can
and over toward Frank and Hank he ran
“Benny, Benny, get back in your can.”

Behind the shark tank hid Jerry and Mary, Sue and Stu
watching as the little man approached Frank and Hank.
“Hello, may name is Stan and this is my can.”
“Well howdy Stan, I’m Frank, this is Hank, how do you do?”
Sue and Stu, Mary and Jerry watched curiously from behind the tank.
“Gosh, feller,” said Frank, “you sure are a little man.”
“Yes,” said Stan, “but once upon a time I was as tall as you.
I had an important position working in a bank.”
Mary and Jerry, Sue and Stu whispered, “What is Stan’s plan?”

Whaaaaat? Do you really think I know the plan of Stan, the little man?
Heck no, I’m just another man in the zoo.
There isn’t much that I can do.
The rest of this story is up to you.

Why did Sue and Stu get lost in the zoo?
What was the diabolical prank of Hank and Frank?love emoji
Why was Stan with a plan such a little man?
And who the hell is Benny?

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OPINIONATED

Heck no! I’m not opinionated
I am merely rightlaughing emoji3
always.

I’ve spent many days pondering
religion
politics.

sex
women
men.

No, not opinionated
simply always right
seven decades pondering life.

observing
interacting
discerning.

Nope, not opinionated
simply wise
prudent.

Sensible
pragmatic
logical.

Reasonable
rational
perceptive.

You, sir, are opinionated
always thinking you are correct
never admitting fault.

Closed-minded
narrow
conceited.

I, on the other hand, am simply a man who is always right.laughing emoji2

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Weepy

 

the 8 dwarfs

I’m sure you have heard of the Seven Dwarfs – Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, and Dopey.  But, did you know there was an eighth dwarf in the group?  Sure was.  His name was Weepy, the taller guy in back on the right.  As were the others in the group, Weepy was appropriately named because he was almost always misty-eyed.  When Snow White fled to the forest to escape her wicked step-mother, she befriended the dwarfs and took refuge with them.  All went well for the group until Walt Disney discovered them frolicking in the woods and wrote a tale about their lives.  Unfortunately, Mr. Disney and Weepy did not get along which led to numerous arguments.  Rather than dispatch Weepy to the deeper parts of the forest, the cartoonist simply wrote the beleaguered dwarf out of the script and titled it Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  I’ll bet you did not know that, did you?

Do you ever feel like life has written you out of the script?  No longer a player?  Maybe not important?  I do.  Age has something to do with it, but this feeling is much deeper than the number of years on earth.  It’s a pervasive sadness not related to personal turmoil or pain.  No, I am not talking about depression or melancholy.  I am not the Rock of Gibraltar anymore.  What’s that you say?  Larry, you never were a rock.  Okay, okay you could be right, but in years past my strength has been derived from a belief that we would somehow inexplicably pass on to future generations a better, more tolerant world, a world where love and compassion for humanity would override mankind’s greed and ignorance.

In my lifetime. just a blip on the screen of human history, great advances have been made to ensure the rights of all who dwell here, not just the privileged and wealthy and not only the white and Christian.  Women, people of color, gays, the poor appeared to be dawning upon a new era in which all people share the earth together as a brotherhood of men and women.

We seem to be trending back into the darkness of yesterday and that saddens my soul.  I don’t like the script and I want to go deeper into the woods.

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