Chinese ingenuity ?

So many of us have lived our lives placing unmerited value on the opinions of others while discrediting our personal truth and reality.  Breaking the shackles of people-pleasing requires honest self-appraisal, a healthy dose of self-esteem, and an enormous commitment to self-realization.

A right-wing sanctioned, Limbaugh-inspired, home-spun supported, neighborhood-disseminated theory of the origins of covid-19 is that the Chinese government somehow is using this virus to gain control of financial markets and put the rest of the consuminglaughing emoji3 world under their control.  Thus, we suffering Americans are experiencing toilet paper shortages at our local stores.

Hurrah for the Chinese.  They are thumping us where it hurts.  Best way to win the trade wars is to force the world to use corn cobs in the loo.  I can just imagine those tiny hands and smiling faces in Peking factories singing, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, Oh what a relief it is.”

What’s that you say?  “Larry, you’ve gone bonkers with all this social isolation, that’s the Alka Seltzer song.”  Hmmmm, think about it for a moment – plop, plop, splash, splash, oh what a relief….

Sorry, folks.  Rational thinking, truth and intelligence cannot counter the bull crap cropped-laughing-emoji2.pngfloating around my neighborhood (sorry, there I go again with this insane train of thought).  Seriously, there is no relief to the stupidity to which some Americans will stoop to promote their conspiracy du-jour.

 

I   AM   LARRY – worthy, unique, loved

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it was a very good year

When I was a little boy and did foolish things, they smiled and called me cute.  young, mature, oldWhen I was thirty-five and did foolish things, they admired and called me adventurous.  Now that I am an old man doing foolish things, they roll their eyes and call me senile.  I just don’t get it.  Make up your mind.

 

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ostensibly

The word has a ring to it that piques my attention.  I have been writing blogs for several years and never had opportunity to use the word ostensible.  Now is my chance to realize another of life’s dreams.

“I ostensibly bought the two bags of candy for my partner because he loves candy.”

And since that candy was on sale at the grocery store, BOGO, (buy one, get one free) of course I had to take two bags.  One does not refuse a BOGO offer.  Who in their right mind would not take the second box of cereal, or the second package of chicken, or the second can of tuna?  Lord forbid!

Friends, I had a major slip last night.  For 3 months I have been adhering to the keto lifestyle which excludes, along with grains and refined seed oils, SUGAR.  Yes, sugar is a major faux pas with keto-genic.  AND, this old man loves his sugar snacks.  Force me to choose between the life of my best friend and a Snickers bar and I would need a minute or two to make that decision –  the Snickers bar of course.

I should know better.  I am a recovering alcoholic.  An alcoholic does not tempt his sobriety with a bottle of his favorite whiskey.  He does not buy it at the liquor store just because it is on sale and his best friend (the one he just betrayed for a Snickers bar) loves that brand of whiskey.  He does not honestly believe he can take that whiskey home and not think about sneaking a swig.

I sat in front of my TV for 3 hours trying to convince myself that I was deep into the football game – it was a good game.  The occasional thought of the recently bought candy in the candy dish certainly would not break my resolve to avoid sugar in my newly found dietary keto-genic miracle which had enabled me to drop 25 excess pounds of belly fat, eliminate my diagnosis of pre-diabetes, and astound my Medicare doctor with my healthy lipid profile.  No, hell no!  I was stronger than those wonderful chocolate morsels just waiting to touch my tongue with their delicious mouth-watering delight.

This morning I am a defeated man asking myself, “How did it happen, how could I have been so clueless?”

If you are one who prays, please pray for my recovery.  If you cross fingers (or any other body parts) please cross now.  Above all, please don’t hate me.  I’m just another human trying to negotiate the powers of addiction.  Oh Lord, why can’t I be addicted to foods like sardines or avocadoes or celery sticks…..or kale?

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if God were here – what would She do?

laughing emoji2A dear friend recently suggested that listening to Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, right-wing politicians and preachers would add a dimension of understanding to the crisis enveloping our nation.  I tried his advice and immediately realized that the new dimension puts me in greater fear and disgust than ever.  The crap America finds itself in is much more odorous and enormously deeper than I ever imagined.  To my friend I must answer, “Next time just mind your own business.”

Okay, okay, I’ll admit that my attitude doesn’t advance the enlightenment of mankind nor does it advance a civil conversation, but I am wearied by the daily assault of racism and misogyny from the State News Network, the WH, and Bootlickers Unlimited.  I am wearied by curses and labels from those who are incapable of engaging in meaningful, intelligent dialog.  I am wearied….oh Lord, I am simply too tired to explain one more time to one more white, evangelical Republican that all people are created equal.  Yes, the blacks, browns, Muslims, gays, and Puerto Ricans are also loved by an omnipotent, magnanimous, munificent God and She absolutely loves those brown babies sitting in cages on our border.  Yes, She does.  It says so in their Christian scriptures.

You may query, “Larry, you seem awfully out of sorts, are you a political burn-out?”

I am fine, but I am weary.  And I am disillusioned.  Those issues that we are urged to discuss and find compromising solutions suitable to both of us – I have come to realize  we are so polarized on those key issues that there is no compromise.  Compromise is overrated anyway.  It reminds me of my ex-wife.  The compromise she advocated was this: “what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine and what’s ours is mine.”  Do you see the problem there?

Actually, I should probably not be this insincere about the weighty problems facing our nation, but have I told you how weary I am?  The American Academy of Psychologists has defined a new disorder in our country which they have named TBCS – trump bull crap syndrome.  It affects 10 out of every 10 Democrats and it is contagious.  Hey, go easy on me, I did not name this affliction and I did not vote for trump.

I see two solutions to my dilemma. 1) Seek solace and refuge with my make-believe monk friends on the island of Galagos in the Mediterranean, or 2) buy a few white sheets and work counter-intelligence with the local KKK.  Okay, option 2 is not a valid solution because there is no intelligence to counter in the KKK.   However, come to think of it, there is a 3rd solution.

Pray hard, trust that God, in her mysterious ways, will emasculate the bullies who have usurped our government and then lead our nation to a sensible election in 2020.  Maybe a female President?  Or maybe a gay president?

We want Pete, we want Pete, we want Pete.

PETE BUTTUGUEGc6fe7102aaf9242136b451907b02957d[1]

It’s a zoo

Sue and Stu
lost at the zoo,
devilsaid Stu to Sue
“What shall we do,
it’s a very large zoo?”

Frank and Hank,
over by the shark tank,
said Hank to Frank
“Let’s play a prank
on Sue and Stu.”

But Mary and Jerry,
friends of Sue and Stu,
overheard Hank and Frank’s prank
over by the shark tank-
diabolical, evil and rank.
Said Jerry to Mary, “it truly stank.”

So they conspired with a man
whose name was Stan,
a very diminutive man,
and they hatched a plan.
Stan found an empty soup can
and over toward Frank and Hank he ran
“Benny, Benny, get back in your can.”

Behind the shark tank hid Jerry and Mary, Sue and Stu
watching as the little man approached Frank and Hank.
“Hello, may name is Stan and this is my can.”
“Well howdy Stan, I’m Frank, this is Hank, how do you do?”
Sue and Stu, Mary and Jerry watched curiously from behind the tank.
“Gosh, feller,” said Frank, “you sure are a little man.”
“Yes,” said Stan, “but once upon a time I was as tall as you.
I had an important position working in a bank.”
Mary and Jerry, Sue and Stu whispered, “What is Stan’s plan?”

Whaaaaat? Do you really think I know the plan of Stan, the little man?
Heck no, I’m just another man in the zoo.
There isn’t much that I can do.
The rest of this story is up to you.

Why did Sue and Stu get lost in the zoo?
What was the diabolical prank of Hank and Frank?love emoji
Why was Stan with a plan such a little man?
And who the hell is Benny?

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OPINIONATED

Heck no! I’m not opinionated
I am merely rightlaughing emoji3
always.

I’ve spent many days pondering
religion
politics.

sex
women
men.

No, not opinionated
simply always right
seven decades pondering life.

observing
interacting
discerning.

Nope, not opinionated
simply wise
prudent.

Sensible
pragmatic
logical.

Reasonable
rational
perceptive.

You, sir, are opinionated
always thinking you are correct
never admitting fault.

Closed-minded
narrow
conceited.

I, on the other hand, am simply a man who is always right.laughing emoji2

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