NEWS FROM GABBYGRAYWHISKERS: breaking news flash

smiley 3

Well Lordy be!  Me and Larry been nominated for an award.  Shoot, last award I got was for the annual cow pie contest in downtown Homosassa.  Afterwards the judges changed their minds when momma told ’em I cheated ’cause I baked my pies in her kitchen stove. I’m guessing y’all don’t know about baked cow pies, makes them real hard and easier to toss.

Well, bless Shawn’s heart for nominating me.  She’s just a good ole gal over at  I AM MANY THINGS .  Here’s the rules for:

 

one lovely blog

 

  • Mention and thank the blogger who nominated you and link their blog.
  • Add the One Lovely Blog Award to your post.
  • Share seven facts about yourself.
  • Pass this on to as many people as you  can (max 15).
  • Include this set of rules.
  • Inform your nominees.

There ain’t many verifiable facts about me.

  1. Gabby ain’t just another pretty face in the crowd.  NosirreeBob.
  2. Gabby ain’t married.  No self-respecting woman would have him.
  3. Gabby’s retired since the cow pie factory shut down couple years ago.
  4. Gabby writes to share a message.  He just don’t yet know what it is.
  5. Gabby lives with his best bud, Larry.  Don’t have any other choice.
  6. Gabby don’t mess with alcohol nor drugs. NOSIRREEBOB.
  7. Gabby loves Jesus.

I ain’t gonna nominate too many folks for this award cause most of my buds is too bashful….kinda like me.

Charlie @ CHARLIE COUNTRY BOY 

Suze @ OBSOLETE CHILDHOOD

 

Shawn, it’s been a hoot!  Thanks

smiley-face-2

 

 

NEWS FROM GABBYGRAYWHISKERS: football

RAH RAH RAH, SISH BOOM BAH, KICK THEIR BUTTS, MAKE ‘EM SQUEAL, GIVE ‘EM HELL, YEAAAAAA TEAM!!!!!!

 

smiley 3Now, tell me folks, don’t y’all think Gabby would have been a great cheerleader?  I mean, the raw talent just oozes out of every rah, rah, don’t it?  I was doing just fine in tryouts until I ended a cheer with “KISS MY ASS”.   They simply had no sense of humor, whaddyathink?

Well, now we know the good Lord had bigger things in mind when he led me down the cheerleading path.  I’m today a cheerleader for the Big Guy in the sky.  YessirreeBob.  Y’all call him/her whatever you want and cross your theological T and dot your religious I.  In my heart I know that the head honcho coach is the greatest power there is.  Ain’t no bigger game on earth than the one that teaches unity, sportsmanship, hard work, and brotherly love.  Ain’t no god contrived by man that scores more points on the playing field called life.  It’s an inside thing folks.  We grab the spirit that’s been put inside us and we run with it.  We make a difference in the lives of other people.  We act like ladies and gentlemen even when the opposing team is kicking our butts.  NosirreeBob, we never give up the ball to intolerance, bigotry, hatred, and racism.

Yeah, I agree that’s enough analogy for one post.  Hell, what do y’all expect for free?  A five-page sermonette?  But, this past weekend with the hoopla over professional football players standing or kneeling for the national anthem is just another indication that your POTUS is deranged.  He’s got Russia hacking our elections, Iran testing missiles, healthcare failure looming, young professionals facing deportation, a war in Syria, a war in Afghanistan, an opioid war, and Kim in North Korea threatening to blow us all to smithereens…..and your POTUS is attacking the NFL for being disrespectful.  C’mon man, even Gabby with his 1960s style ‘give-a-shit’ attitude and the morals of an alley cat has more sense than that.  Where’s Trump’s priorities?

Say what you like about my cheerleading abilities, but y’all know I’m right as a greased pig in the pit with this little exhortation (Larry said that was an appropriate word to use). What my Grandpappy always told me was to be aware of the smoke screens that politicians throw out.  They’s just covering the really important bullshit going on behind the scenes.  Get out your knee-highs, we’re gonna need ’em.

 

EEEEEEEEEHAW               smiley-face-2

NEWS FROM GABBYGRAYWHISKERS: fessing up

Folks, I’ve got a confession to make to y’all.  Gabby ain’t as smart as he appears to be.  NosirreeBob, when the Big Guy upstairs took inventory of all them loose screws floating around in my head, he just sighed and threw away the screwdriver, said something ’bout sending me back to the factory for a major overhaul.  Now, the time has come for me to fess up.

Y’all might ask, “Well Gabby, how in tarnation did you come to this conclusion?”

It all started back in the summer of 2016.  I was watching Bugs Bunny on the cartoon network when my best bud Larry said, “Hey Gabby, let’s educate ourselves and switch to the news on CNN.”

Now, I forgive Larry for his indiscretion.  He just don’t understand how important Bugs Bunny is to my daily routine.  A day without Bugs is like a day without vittles.  But, I obligingly switched to CNN.  On the screen was a fat-assed, old white boy with an orange hairdo that would have turned Bozo, the clown, green with envy.

“Who’s that a-hole?”

“Heck, Gabby, that’s Donald J Trump.  He’s campaigning for the Republican nomination for President,” Larry replied.

“Don’t like him.  Looks like a left-over, half-baked tortilla with a can of Cheez Whiz dumped over his head.”

Well, folks, that was my first run-in with DJT.  In the following months we, Larry and me, saw a lot more of him and just like Grandpappy always taught me I stuck with my first impression.  Didn’t like him, he was a gas bag and he ain’t shown any more sense than a squealer trying to suck tit on a bull boar.  Just seemed like a downright mean sunuvabitch who aint’ had enough daddy love when he was a young’un.

But, I digress.  The point of this story is the friends, neighbors, and family who took me aside when we was discussing the election and told me how stupid I was and how I needed to read more about the candidates.  You see, I knew Hillary brought a lot of baggage with her, what with Bill’s dalliance in the White House and their connection with Pizzagate and a bunch of other stuff those right wingers were throwing at us, but she seemed more qualified to serve the people.  DJT hadn’t shown anything other than service to hisself and his empire.

But, my friends and neighbors is educated folks, got degrees behind their names and they’s leaders in the community.  Can’t say as much ’bout family.  Hell, cousin Bubba still believes that tacos are a Mexican conspiracy to rape and pillage in America.

So, when they told me that DJT is the man to make America great again, I gotta think they knew something I didn’t know.  Maybe I wasn’t up to snuff about politics like they were.  And that’s my confession.  I voted for Hillary.  Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Now, there’s other things I gotta reconsider.

Climate change.  Maybe they was right when they said it was a Chinese conspiracy.

Mexicans.  Maybe they are nothing but a bunch of drug pushers and rapists.

Undocumented immigrants.  Maybe God does make some folks “illegal”.

Gays.  Maybe they are an abomination.

Muslims.  Maybe they want to take over the world.                   T

Transgenders.  Maybe they aren’t fit to serve in the military.

John McCain.  Maybe he is a loser like Trump said.

Poor people.  Maybe they don’t deserve to work in Trump’s cabinet.

Rich people.  Maybe they all are altruistic and caring folks.

Facts.  Maybe there are alternative facts.

Kellyanne Conway.  Maybe there was a Bowling Green Massacre.

Putin.  Maybe he is a great leader like Trump said.

White supremacists.  Maybe some of them are good people like Trump said.

Michelle Bachmann.  Maybe Trump is God’s answer to America like she said.

God.  Maybe God does love white, Anglo-Saxon protestants more than anybody else.

Trump.  Maybe he is a “very smart man” like he says he is.

Okay, folks, Gabby’s got to stop the bullshit.  My boots ain’t high enough.  NosirreeBob.  Ain’t no high-falooting, college degreed boys gonna tell Gabby he’s stupid and needs to read more.  Gabby’s gonna keep on slaughtering the English language and talking irreverently.  It’s who I am and it comes from the heart.

 

EEEEEEEEEEHAW

 

smiley 3

 

 

NEWS FROM GABBYGRAYWHISKERS: randy rainbow

Ever watch Randy Rainbow videos?  Folks, there’s something about that good ole boy just ain’t right.  Can’t put my finger on it, but that dude definitely don’t make poster child for normal, down home boy, next door kinda fella.  But gotta love him, he’s one of us.  No, buckaroos, not referring to bedtime activity, I’m talking about those of us who want to see Trump put in straps in his nursery playpen singing,

“This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none,
And this little piggy cried “wee wee wee” all the way home.”

 

Yeeeeeehaw

 

smiley 3

NEWS FROM GABBYGRAYWHISKERS: my God enjoys a good joke

Hey, y’all, here’s a shout out to my bud Scottie @ scottie’s toy box  Great sense of humor and one of them good ole boys who don’t take religion too seriously.

A man dies and goes to the Pearly Gates and is let into heaven. It so
happens that on the day he enters Paradise it is also Saint Peter’s day off.
Having nothing better to do, Saint Peter offers the man the Grand Tour and
so they spend the day looking at all the wondrous sights and sounds.
At the end of the tour, they reach the far side of heaven, and, lo and
behold, there is a massive wall reaching into eternity dividing one side of
heaven from the other. Confused, the man asks Saint Peter, “what is this
wall here for and what is its purpose in heaven and what is on the other
side”? Saint Peter sighs, throws his hands up and rolls his eyes and says,
“Oh, on the other side of this wall is where you will find all the Born
Again Christians.” “Why is that,” asks the man? “Why do you keep all the
Born Again Christians on the other side of the wall.” Embarrassed, Saint
Peter replies, “Well…um…er… we let them think they’re the only ones up
here”

Aw, what’s the matter?  Somebody’s stepped on your tender, religious toes.  Relax! God’s got a voluminous sense of humor.  If not true, she would have come down here already and zapped your intolerant, bigoted asses.  Yeeeehaw.

smiley-face-2

NEWS FROM GABBYGRAYWHISKERS: ultimatum

Me and Larry, my creator, ain’t hitting it off too well lately.  He thinks my English usage sucks and what he calls “irreverence” is inappropriate.  Well, la-de-da Mr. Goody Two Shoes, life sucks and life is irreverent.  There ain’t nothing about living in this world that follows any “life is grand” script.  Of course I need to watch my Ps and Qs cause he could pull the plug on me and Gabby would be forever just another has-been wannabe writer.

Oh, I know.  We all try to live with principles and ideals, but when a fella thinks about it, most folks don’t give a big whoop-de-do about those things.  NosirreeBob.  Most folks is out for themselves trying to get over on their neighbors and just looking at what’s in it for them.  Gimme, gimme, gimmee.  More, more, more.

Hell, look at the man America elected as President.  Do you really think he gets up in the morning and thinks, “Now, what am I going to do for my fellow man today?”

Nope, it’s all about Donnie and lil Donnie and I ain’t talking about Donald Jr.  YessirreeBob.  That’s one self-indulging, lying, faithless piece of human flesh pretending to be somebody special.  Makes ya wonder about all them folks that elected him.  Do ya truly believe they love their fellow man?  Hell no.  Them fat-assed, bigoted, privileged, good ole white boys is just afraid of an America that ain’t run by other white boys exactly like em.

Well there, I’ve said it.  Been festering in my mind for a long time.  Go ahead, call me names, take away my birthday cause I don’t give a rat’s ass anymore.  And good ole Larry can kiss my fatooty if he don’t like it.  Oops….oh please, don’t unplug me.

 

 

NEWS FROM GABBY GRAYWHISKERS: howdy, howdy

I sure do appreciate the opportunity to entertain all of you with my rants and raves and plain ole drivel.  My creator, LarryPaulBrown, says he is a weary old man who needs a break from all the twaddle that passes as news and all the news that is nothing but twaddle.  I asked him what the hell “twaddle” was and he advised me to look it up in the Merriam Webster.  Actually what he said was, “Doofus, there’s a dictionary on the desk; use it.”

I’m not sure how long he will be in a bad mood, but, from the looks of the political scene, it could be a long time.  Now, as for me, I ain’t the brightest bulb on the string, but I know fer a fact some of them old farts in Washington DC got less sense than my jackass standing yonder in the pasture.  Maybe we can talk about it sometime.

You may have read a few of my guest posts over the past few months.  What’s that you say?  Don’t remember em?  Probably just as well.  Larry asked me to clean up my act a little bit since his readers is nice, proper folks who don’t appreciate swearing and dirty talk.  “Well hell,” I says, “ain’t nothing wrong with a little naughtiness once in a while.”  He says he’s gonna keep an eye on me.

So, afore we get started, I thought a cute lil joke would be a good icebreaker.

There was this old farmer who lived alone with his aging daughter.  She was none too bright and  downright ugly.  The farmer was concerned about what would happen to her when he passed on to his glory.  So, one day a smiling, horny, vacuum salesman stopped by.  The farmer noticed that his daughter was taking a hankering to the handsome man.  So, he hatched a plot to trap the salesman into having sex with and then marrying his aging daughter……whaaaaat?  You’ve already heard this one?  Ok, let’s just move on.

I ain’t no big fan of restaurant eating these days.  Especially them fast-food places like McDonalds and Burger King.  Ok, so you order a deluxe burger, fries, and a pie.  You look at the register and it’s telling you $6.49.  Then you say, “and a large Coke, please.”  All  of a sudden that total is $10.49.

“Miss, I think you made a mistake.  $4 for a Coke?”

She looks at ya like you just escaped off the turnip truck, people behind you are grumbling, your wife is fussing and you just tuck tail and fork over $11.00.

“Sir, would you like to donate the change to the Whasahootsitz Childrens’ Fund?”

“Hell no,” I fire back to her and then notice the big bubba standing aside me in a wife-beater shirt glaring down my skinny little shoulders.

“No, miss, but I sure would love to donate $5 to the little angels of Whasahootsitz.”

All’s well that ends well. YessireeBob.  Now you might ask, “But, Gabby, what about your wife?  You didn’t order anything for her.”

Y’all don’t know my wife.  Truthfully, I don’t know her anymore ever since she had that change of life thing.  I know now why they call it change of life cause my life has sure as hell changed over the past few months.  Just a fussin and bitchin about everything.  She don’t want sex then accuses me of having an affair because we don’t have sex anymore.  Go figure.  And you ask what has that got to do with eating at Burger King?

“Have it your way.”  Remember that jingle from years ago?  She was in one of her pissy moods, I starting singing “have it your way” and now she won’t eat at Burger King.  I don’t get it.  C’mon, men have change of life issues too, I mean, let’s get honest.  Plumbing don’t work like it used to, more hair growing out of the ears than on top of the head and how about that libido, guys?  It don’t go away, it just gets put on the back burner to simmer on and on and on…….and on.

Hey, did ya hear the joke about the old farmer who had a gay bull?

smiley 3

 

 

%d bloggers like this: